The House of Windsor understands that many of you aspire to join The Firm our loving family. This quiz will quickly and accurately assess your potential to hold a title. Answer every question honestly and to the best of your ability. Extra points granted if you can identify which questions are based on real royal customs. Ready? Onward.

Score Time!

Your results are based entirely on question 13. If you answered “No,” you’ve got what it takes to be a British royal. You should be exceedingly proud. Bonus points if you identified these true royal customs: (1) The pinky finger must be curled in, neither seen nor heard. (2) All but “dildo” are indeed forbidden. (3) Virginity is not required, but Lady Diana’s uncle Lord Fermoy assured the press that she had “never had a lover.” Gross! (6) It’s true. When the queen is done chatting, she moves her handbag from one arm to the other, signalling her aides to come in and hang you. (7) Your napkin must be folded in half. (11) By ancient decree, the queen owns all unmarked mute swans swimming in open waters in the U.K. (12) Yes, royal ladies, keep that chin up.

Next, read about the history of monarchy here and the case for abolishing it here.