In a grim turn of events, the evil warlock Pharma the Big has rotted healing magic itself, leaving thousands to die from preventable illnesses and once-curable wounds. Pharma, may his genitals be ever cursed with pus-filled boils, has now built a dystopian world where healing not only costs coin, but demands a harrowing journey through an accursed and bureaucratic countryside. You must defeat Pharma to restore justice and heal the sick—but one of your comrades has fallen victim to the slaverer’s plague! Conquer the hellscape to heal your party member and prepare to face Pharma in the next module!

The Kingdom of Wellnessia

Primary Care Forest

40 gold to enter. You may visit for 15 minutes only!

Emergency Tavern

You must take the Wyvern Wambulance to enter the Emergency Tavern. Your injured party member is healed, but kept as collateral until the party completes the Medical Billing dungeon

Mysterious Illness Mire

You cannot be diagnosed here!

On Hold

Good luck.

Contamination Zone

Deadly to enter and covered in thorns, even being in this area means you are subject to immediate secondary infection

Specialist Desert

The only way to navigate these scorching badlands is the Referral Riverboat! Runs once a month.

Prescription Drug Troll

You must tangle with this deadly and, frankly, obnoxious beast in order to enter the dungeon.

Medical Billing Dungeon

What horrors lie deep within the bowels of this terrible labyrinth? None have returned to tell the tale!

Special thanks to Aidan Y-M for his fabulous art and contributions to this amusement!