First: take out a huge ad in Times Square reserved for difficult truths that the people need to hear, like how Richard Kind is one of the most underrated comedic performers of our lifetime. 

Fix the subway.

A vanity presidential run, but I promise to make it entertaining. My signature issue would be mandatory Supreme Court Justice casual Fridays attire. 

Pay all the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. actors their rate (1 million each per episode) to do a whole new season. Can’t wait for “The One Where Joey Has Covid.” 

Pay NYT Op Ed writers to have better opinions. 

Hire Vampire Weekend to do a cover of the Cellino & Barnes theme; the hook is there but we need their arrangement skills and soothing vocals. 

Not kill anybody.