Current Affairs

Some Things I Could Do With The NYPD’s $6 Billion Annual Budget

The NYPD should be defunded and abolished at once. Once we’ve done that, we’ll have $6 billion extra dollars a year to improve the city. What would you do if you, personally, were in charge of that $6 billion? Jason Adam Katzenstein has some ideas:

First: take out a huge ad in Times Square reserved for difficult truths that the people need to hear, like how Richard Kind is one of the most underrated comedic performers of our lifetime. 

Fix the subway.

A vanity presidential run, but I promise to make it entertaining. My signature issue would be mandatory Supreme Court Justice casual Fridays attire. 

Pay all the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. actors their rate (1 million each per episode) to do a whole new season. Can’t wait for “The One Where Joey Has Covid.” 

Pay NYT Op Ed writers to have better opinions. 

Hire Vampire Weekend to do a cover of the Cellino & Barnes theme; the hook is there but we need their arrangement skills and soothing vocals. 

Not kill anybody. 

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