Any good magazine can expect to receive its share of terrifying homicidal abuse from the public. As they saying goes: if they’re not threatening to kill you, you’re probably not a very good journalist. So Current Affairs was a bit chagrined not to have provoked any readers into truly impassioned fury and mania.
Fortunately, we have finally received our first ominous warning from an Internet lunatic, courtesy of Twitter. And so we begin a new feature, This Week in Death Threats.
Let’s have a gander at the week’s entrant, shall we?
As you can see, Current Affairs was minding its business, pleasantly showing off some innovative new ideas for automotive decals, when user @BlessedTex stepped in to spoil the whole vibe with his AR-15. What a parade-raining Grumpy Gus!
Now, before we get to know our ill-humored interlocutor a little better, please feel free to place bets as to what the gentleman’s politics are, and which presidential candidate he prefers.
Well, I never! Blessed Tex self-describes thusly: Jesus is Lord! | Constitutionalist Conservative | Zionist | Pro -Life -2A -Military -Police | #IslamisEvil#PPMurdersBabies#DumpTrump#TCOT#PJNET#CruzCrew
For those of you who chose “Pro-life hashtag-loving right-wing Zionist” and “Ted Cruz,” congratulations! For those of you who expected his page would be littered with Stars of David, Bible passages, and photographs of colorful orchids, double-congrats.
Some of you may of course be thinking to yourselves: “Now, Current Affairs, hang on just a gosh-danged minute here, that’s hardly a death threat. How very alarmist you are being!”
Oh, very well. If we are parsing cautiously, Blessed Tex technically said he would rather take an AR-15 to the Affairsmobile® than festoon his own motorcar with our advertisements. But try explaining that to the poor quivering Current Affairs social media interns, who spent the whole day casting anxious looks at the windows here in CAHQ.
In fact, Blessed Tex might not dislike Current Affairs at all. This may be more about a particular fetish Blessed Tex has for shooting innocent windows, regardless of which magazine’s private vehicle fleet they may belong to. Thus we may be mistaken in our conjecture regarding the source of the man’s animosity. (We may, so to speak, be mere oblivious Navins puzzling over bullet-ridden cans.) Yet since Blessed Tex did not attempt to follow up with a caveat-tweet, explaining that his statement would only apply if members of the Current Affairs staff were not in the vehicle at the time, and since an AR-15 is quite a big and frightening gun, we feel justified in putting this Tweet in our stack of threats.
Current Affairs continues to be proud of the valuable work we do in pissing off Ted Cruz supporters on Twitter. To support this work, as well as our purchase of bulletproof glazing, you may want to consider donating to our magazine. As we expand, who knows how many window-hating, sweater-wearing riflemen we may attract the ire of?
Current Affairs is strongly opposed to receiving death threats. Our showcasing of ominous remarks should not be taken as encouragement to send further ominous remarks. We would love nothing more than never to have another edition of This Week in Death Threats, and all potentially violent antagonism toward our magazine shall be dealt with very seriously indeed and reported to the relevant authorities.