Current Affairs

Chesterton’s Fence

A dramatic scene.

The SOCIALIST and the YOUNG REPUBLICAN are walking together down a lush country lane chatting idly to one another. The YOUNG REPUBLICAN looks like William F. Buckley, with overalls and hair slicked. The SOCIALIST is a frizzy-haired young woman in overalls with a conductor’s cap. The SOCIALIST appears bored.


… which is why, economically speaking, sea level rise actually creates greater efficiency.

The two come across a fence blocking their way. The fence is portable and could clearly be moved.


I think you had better shut up and help me move this fence. 


Not so fast my hot-headed comrade. As G.K. Chesterton once said [the letters G and K should be drawn out as long as possible]:

Have you read any Chesterton?




The youth these days! [He is clearly young himself and is just being a dick.] Chesterton was offering an injunction against hasty social reform that does not consider potential deleterious consequences. The essence of conservatism is a preference for wise caution over intemperate and rash decisions.



The two stand next to one another for some time. Birds are chirping. Nothing happens. They look at the fence. Eventually the SOCIALIST says:


Can we move it now?


Not so fast! One more minute to contemplate its purpose.

Another minute. Nothing. 


Now we may move it.

The two haul the fence away. Instantly a GIANT MONSTER comes bounding down the lane on the other side of the fence. The MONSTER devours the YOUNG REPUBLICAN in one gulp leaving nothing but blood, broken spectacles, and a bowtie. The MONSTER bounds back to where it came from. This should take place within seconds. The SOCIALIST turns to the camera and winks, then continues down the trail.


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