Current Affairs

A Magazine of Politics and Culture

Occasions When It Is Okay To Criticize Democrats

If you hate freedom and democracy, that is.

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  • When there isn’t an election for president, senate, house of representatives or World’s Sexiest coming up within the next four years. 
  • In the vacuum of space to your fellow astronaut.
  • If some know-nothing young whippersnapper questions fellow Democrats like John Kasich and George W. Bush. 
  • Muffled into a pillow alone in your room at night.
  • To your fellow Pod Save America host in a whisper when the mic is off. 
  • When a Senate candidate’s funding e-mail uses the wrong “your,” and even then only as long as you add that they are like Hawkeye and Captain America combined with President Bartlet and mistakes only make them more heroic, yet relatable. 
  • When they care too much. 
  • When a squeaky wheel suggests that—after losing House seats in what should be the easiest layup election of all time—perhaps the party shouldn’t run away from incredibly popular policies like universal healthcare, a higher minimum wage, and taxing the rich. 
  • Never, you absolute fucking pond scum. Be grateful they aren’t Republicans. What more do you want, you absolute speck of dirt. Fuck you.

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