Current Affairs

A Magazine of Politics and Culture

Five Ways I Use My Jewish Space Laser

In a leaked Facebook post, Rep. Majorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) claimed that the 2018 California Camp Fire was caused by a “laser beam or light beam” fired by “Rothschild Inc.” This is pure anti-Semitism; obviously, Jews have better uses for their space lasers, as Jason Adam Katzenstein demonstrates.

1) To slice the refrigerated bagels that I’m too lazy to heat up.


2) To hastily light candles in advance of the Zoom with my parents where I prove to them that I haven’t lost the chanukiah they gave me.


3) We had one at my bris.


4) To play laser tag at the secret Jewish meetings that Marjorie Taylor Greene is on to us about so I mean no these do not exist.


5) I tried using it Men in Black style to “neuralize” myself into not knowing about Marjorie Taylor Greene but it didn’t work so here we are.


More In: Uncategorized

Cover of latest issue of print magazine

Announcing Our Newest Issue

Featuring

Celebrating the magazine's eighth year! The false promise of billionaire space plans, the dangers of natural law, the politics of Dr. Phil's show, the history of Stalin's atrocities....plus a delightful assortment of amusements, from the Intergalactic Zoo to behind the scenes at Fox News!

The Latest From Current Affairs